Pink Slips - Ask Me Anything
When I was growing up – say, between the ages of 5 and 37 – I didn’t have anyone I could ask really honest, stupid, or out-there questions about sex.
I’ve had my BFF for almost 30 years (shout out to my homegirl!), but we were growing up and learning at the same time, so as wise as she is, she wasn’t far ahead enough of me to provide much more insight and information than I could get myself at the time.
While I’m not your BFF (though I’m sure we’d get along like cats on fire), it might feel safer for you to ask me a question here, anonymously, rather than risk horrifying or alienating your BFF, lover, spouse or veterinarian.
I’ve lived a little, and I’ve read and listened and learned a lot, so I invite you to borrow my wisdom for your own benefit. Let’s start with a question I was recently asked.
(Remember, you can post comments here anonymously – and also remember, while everyone is interested in others’ sex livesin the abstract, they’re not interested in knowing about the actual sex that people they actually know are having. Your secrets are safe with me, darling.)
Dear Pink Slips,
I was watching a movie with my boyfriend (it wasn’t porn, it was a comedy) and the woman used a strap-on to have sex with the man. I’ve never done this before, I haven’t even really thought about it, but my boyfriend seemed very interested. He even replayed it a couple of times. He laughed like it was funny, but I got the feeling it wasn’t just a funny thing to him. How do I bring this up with him and say I’ll try it if he wants? What if he really did just think it was funny, and I’m going to freak him out and make him think I’m really the one who wants to do it?
Poking Engenders Giggles
First off, you were watching porn with your boyfriend. That’s OK. It may have been soft-core “comedy,” but the trope of men being porn-hounds and women merely tolerating their habit is old and tired. As long as everyone is consenting and no one is getting hurt,you don’t have to pretend you’re not watching. Porn can benefit singles, couples and entire economies. After all, we wouldn’t have DVDs and the Internets without porn.
Second, you DO want to try pegging – because you’re willing to do it if he wants. A strong indication of his interest is that he hit the rewind button. Did he linger on the restaurant scene, or the “where is our relationship headed” conversation? No. But he obviously doesn’t feel comfortable bringing it up, so you should go first. Often, the shy partner will be hugely relieved that the other has the guts to broach a topic, and that opens a whole new dialogue about lots of things you’d both enjoy.
Here’s a little script: “Honey, when we were watching that movie the other night, I noticed you seemed interested in the pegging scene. How do I know what pegging is? I asked my wise Auntie Pink Slips. Anyway, I want to make you happy, I want us to try new things with each other, and I want to try that with you if that’s what you’d like.”
You may have to push a little to overcome his reluctance to admit his interest, but if he acts offended or runs screaming from the room, you know you’re off the hook for this one. (If he does either of the latter, though, you have a much bigger problem on your hands that a dildo can’t solve.)
Balls are in your court.