Things I Never Knew...Until I Became a Mom

I was a pain in the ass growing up.  There’s just no way around that one.  I remember telling my parents in anger, “When I grow up and I’m a parent, I’ll be NOTHING like you!” and go storming off into my room, door a-slamming.  I remember sitting on my bed fuming like none other, thinking about all the things I’d allow my kids to do.  And once I calmed down, and made my way back out to the living room, my mom would just shake her back and forth.  With nothing short of hope and a touch of arrogance she would say, “Just wait, Meredith…  You’re going to get back double what you give out with your kids one day.”  “Whatever,” I’d mumble—leaving the curse words in my head.

And then one day I did have children of my own.  And lo and behold I learned some things.  Here’s the list (and yes, it is a work in progress…):

• I never knew I could sleep standing up or sitting up or even with one eye open
• I never knew the sound of nails on a chalkboard is soothing when compared to a child who won’t stop screaming
• I never knew when the screaming stopped, instead of being grateful, I would panic—and then proceed to awaken the baby to make sure my bundle of joy was still breathing (and the cycle would continue…)
• I never knew the softness of a baby’s skin
• I never knew that while hot water pouring out of the shower is oh so soothing to the engorged breasts, it also makes you feel like you’re going to die an hour later (try it if you don’t believe me, but it’s SO not recommended)
• I never knew the power of Barney
• I never knew three hours of the Wiggles or the TeleTubbies could cause such serious homicidal thoughts
• I never knew I’d be terrified of my child’s puke
• I never knew I’d ever dodge vomit—come to think of it I never even truly understood the dynamics of projectile puke
• I never knew poop existed in the vast color spectrum that it does
• I never knew something so small and so cute could smell so bad
• I never knew the excitement of hearing “Mommy” for the first 100 times
• I never knew the annoyance of hearing “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy” 100 times in a row
• I never knew I could come up with so much crap when asked the question “Why?”
• I never knew how much fun lying on the grass and putting names to the cloud shapes could be
• I never knew how scary blood could be
• I never knew I’d cry when my child received the set of kindergarten shots
• I never knew the angst of sitting in the waiting room as my child was being poked and prodded
• I never knew how snuggling in a blankie with two little ones could bring such comfort, such content
• I never knew my childhood stories would be so much fun for my kids to hear
• I never knew I’d feel an ache in my heart dropping them off at school, every year
• I never knew I’d want to rip off the head of the school bullies—even though they were just kids themselves
• I never knew how hilarious literal meanings could be
• I never knew how expensive school supplies were
• I never knew club sports were so expensive
• I never knew I’d be a soccer mom and a cheer mom—two sports I knew nothing about
• I never knew other parents would judge me by my children’s grades
• I never knew I’d have to use the Heimlich maneuver
• I never knew how school dances, parties, and the opposite sex calling would be so scary
• I never knew Back-to-School shopping would turn into Back-to-School shopping, Summer clothes shopping, and Winter clothes shopping
• I never knew what real suffering was—until I saw my child suffer
• I never knew what helplessness was—until I realized there was nothing I could do to stop the pain
• I never knew what biting my tongue meant—until I shut up and listened
• I never knew how important just listening could be
• I never knew mom would be synonymous with a taxicab
• I never knew having a family calendar was a necessary evil
• I never knew our family dinners would mean so much—especially our tradition of HiLo
• I never knew the accomplishment of my children would supersede any I ascertained as an adult
• I never knew I would shed a couple of tears, in private, after every birthday
• I never knew I would suddenly lose all of my mathematical ability—yeah, forget about helping a kid in math these days
• I never knew the joy of assigning chores
• I never knew how one smile could brighten my entire day
• I never knew my children would get sick of my childhood stories
• I never knew asking how their day was would encompass three words, “It was fine”
• I never knew the deviation from the three words would require a pulling of teeth
• I never knew the importance of follow through—and the hell when parents don’t
• I never knew the fear that would overcome my body when the words, “I want to get my Driver’s Permit” were echoed through the house
• I never knew I wouldn’t want to know some things
• I never knew the true meaning of “Ignorance is Bliss”
• I never knew how valuable venting could be
• I never knew how I’d hurt when my child hurt
• I never knew how my child’s joy would bring me such utter joy
• I never knew my low tolerance for a certain tone of voice
• I never knew how planning a family night out is near impossible with all the different schedules
• I never knew the things that would be going through my head as I watched my child play their favorite sport
• I never knew how bad soccer refs were
• I never knew how petty cheer moms could be
• I never knew the expense of cell phones, computers, iPods—and every other must have electronic device
• I never knew how tech-savvy I’d have to be, in order to be a diligent parent
• I never knew aggravation of bad grades
• I never knew true fear—until my child drove away from the house, in his car, for the first time
• I never knew utmost fear—until my child drove away from the house, in his car, for the first time, with his sister as his passenger
• I never knew I’d dread the 18th birthdays
• I never knew the thought of high school graduations would evoke such sadness
• I never knew the worry would get more intense the older my babies became
• I never knew I’d miss their little hands in mine
• I never knew I’d still be singing them their bedtime songs when they let me
• I never knew how proud I would be of my two bug-a-boos
• I never knew how quiet our home is when they’re not here

I did know I’d never be the Mother of the Year, oh the mistakes I’ve made.  I did know the only thing I ever wanted for my children was for them to be happy—in whatever decisions they make.  I did know that every day was a learning experience and some days I plan on never repeating.  What I didn’t know was how intricate a role my parents would play in my life—whether it was to be a shoulder to cry on, a friend to lean on, or a place to get dinner because I didn’t feel like cooking.  And I realize now that I’m a mom, how much I love and appreciate all my parents have been able to do for me.  And that is something I’m hoping to get back in two-fold from my own.

Meredith is a mom, sister, wife, friend, teacher, critic, Starbucks junkie, writer, coach, and a million other things. She enjoys writing about the good, scary, funny, sad, exciting and all those other truths that too many people are afraid to write about. You can find her blog at http://merelovesthepack.blogspot.com or on Twitter: @FmTheSidelines.